I Choose Joy
I don't always choose a word for the year, but when I do I really mean it.
My word this year is JOY, and it's working exactly like you want a word of the year to work. When I think of joy, it renews my focus. It reminds me what I intend for the year. It's practical and it's feelings-based - something required for pretty much everything I do in life.
My Wish for A Million Dreams
I know it's almost a new year because I've been waking up in the wee s'mas with so. many. ideas. Sometimes they hold up in the light of day. Sometimes they don't. The idea in this post could go either way. Let's see.
As you may have read, I booted a ton of angst in 2020 and let go of a really specific dream in the process: Getting a novel on bookshelves someday. It wasn't my only dream. It wasn't my first dream, either. It was just a dream. And maybe I haven't let it go forever. I'll decide that later.
I Don't Know About You but I'm Feeling 22
the mamaversary post
This week I had my annual oncology visit and got the good news I love to hear: #nocancertoday.
After that, it got kind of boring because Dr. P told me about all these errands I need to run. He started talking about what it means to be a survivor, and it was sort of like he whipped out an Inigo mask and said, "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it does."
(For the Boys) Thank You for the Delight
Last year, I let go of a goal that no longer seemed important enough, or certain enough, for the strain it caused me to long for it.
The goal was far too specific, really, and relatively few who try will achieve it: I wanted to be a self-sufficient, day-job-free, well-paid and traditionally published author of novels. Unfortunately, after twelve years of trying, it wasn't happening, and the angst of wanting it so much and not knowing how to reach it was, in popular self-help terminology, not working for me.
I Climbed a Mountain in Flip Flops
Seven years after undergoing lung surgery and a rare complication that kept me hospitalized ten days, I climbed a mountain in flip flops despite a long-held believe that I wasn't healthy enough, adventurous enough, or competitive enough to accomplish any such thing - let alone in flip flops. I love being wrong about me.
The Record Playing
There is a record that has played in my mind for as long as I can remember. It questions everything I have, have not, or should have done. Suddenly, in mid-life, the record is quieting.
I wish I hadn't worked so hard
It's one of the 5 Regrets of the Dying: I wish I hadn't worked so hard. I think about it a lot when I go to bed at night or wake up in the morning and look at my days (and thus my life) and wonder, Am I doing this right?
I've always been resistant to the 8-to-5. It leaves so little room for whims or creativity.
How the Revolution Went
It would pain me to begin this post with an overused sentiment (non-conforming is an elusive dream for me) so I'll let the cake do it for me.
Now, the truth. I am deeply proud of my 2020.
Doing My Thing
More often than not, by doing your thing, as opposed to what you think you ought to be doing, you kindle a fire that helps keep the rest of us warm.
Oliver Burkeman said this. He was a columnist for the Guardian, and his final piece has several bits of life wisdom like that. (It also has a brief treatise on why we shouldn't listen to celebrities
21
For some time I've been thinking of turning a corner with my blog. This year is challenging in a million different ways, and for me one of these challenges is the need to redefine my identity as a writer, or perhaps my relationship to writing, my expectations for it. I started blogging when posts were supposed to start a conversation, but I find that's not why I write. I write here because I write always, but here I can finish a thing, wrap it up, and give it away without anyone else's say-so.
How the Revolution is Going
Hi! I'm in a midlife crisis. Can you believe it?! I could have died before I was thirty! Instead, here I am with the rest of Gen X women sort of wondering why I'm not as successful, rich, famous, or together as I thought I would be by now and occasionally despairing about it. THIS IS GREAT!
What Comes Next
One Saturday early in these weird 2020 times, a hundred hopes and dreams laid out before me, including the novel I'm working on and the novel I'm trying to move to the next step after that, I suddenly needed to finish something. The unfinished reading I could knock out the easiest happened to be A Night to Remember, the true story of the sinking of the Titanic…
This post is the result of a happiness bet I made with myself
For some time now, I have been practicing happiness. Did you know you can practice it? This winter, I even took this happiness course (from Yale!). Some things I've learned...
We're usually wrong about what will actually make us happy (e.g., money)
We're also really, really certain we're right (seriously, MONEY)
The Truth About Being Home: I Dreamed of This
I have a long and firmly established love for being home. It's a common theme in L.M. Montgomery books (Anne of Green Gables, et al). That may be part of it. Home is prominent in Montgomery's real-life journals, too. As an orphan, raised by unfriendly, uncompromising grandparents, finally becoming mistress of her own home was a crowning joy for Montgomery.
Twenty Years Ago, I Became a Mom
When Julia Roberts had her twins, she posed with them in People magazine under the headline, "Best Role Yet.” I related. Though I've never quite achieved my artistic dreams, I've had them, but when John Michael was born, I knew one thing.
If I never do anything else in my life, I will have been great because of him.
Remaking the Thank You Room
This summer, I finished I book.
Just kidding! This summer I'm about four chapters from finishing the current draft of my novel-in-progress, I'm totally starting to believe in it again, and so it was imperative that I procrastinate. I did it thus: updating the old book!
On Mondays, I'm a Writer
I may have mentioned, but I am all here for all the new year hype.
Over the years, I've done it all. I've made goals (finish the novel in 2018! Nope). I've listed new habits I planned to adopt in order to reach the goals (face the page every day). I've chosen one word. I've chosen three words. This year, I did a worksheet that leads you to your "true north" (i.e., your most important values), which brought me to 5 words.
The Mamaversary Post - Take 19
Today is the nineteenth anniversary of my motherhood. Yay me, except...I have been a mother long enough to finish one human-plus-one-year, and nothing feels finished at all.
I never decided if I should pick him up or let him cry it out.
Scheduled meals and naps or no?
How to Save the World from your Unchanging Personality
My mother tells a story about a woman with a toddler. After any errant behavior, the young mother would take the child's hand and say to the affected audience: "We're working on this."
Welcome to all of us.