The Undetermined Outlook of a Dream

I recently switched to Outlook at work. I sort of adore it. It is a bottomless pit of possibility. I can turn emails into calendar appointments, tasks, contacts. I can flag them and they're immediately added to my task list. I can attach things to appointments just like I can attach things to an email. With all the options for what to do with an email, I barrel through my inbox. It's so pretty now and oh so simple. Last Friday after two days of learning Outlook and checking off more items than I had to add, I got a little high on the thrill. I was empowered by the to-do list.

Then. The weekend. Which, similar to my evenings, is a wide open space in which I fulfill the non day-job roles like Being Mama and pursuing the dream. And if Being Mama kind of has actual check-offable items (fold clothes, unload dishwasher, buy milk, read books, tuck in, hope and pray), the dream has this:

1. Write the book.

2. Seriously, put your fingers to the keyboard and type.

3. Write some words.

4. ANY words at all.

5. Don't do things that aren't writing the book.

6. Maybe just a paragraph tonight.

7. A word.

8. Ohmylordinheaven you are not a writer unless you write so get your so-called creative butt in that chair and write.

9. Stilllllll waiting for some words here.

10. How 'bout a page number?

Frankly, it's not as fun to check off items on that list. BECAUSE THEY NEVER GO AWAY. I could do them all, and the list still waits for me tomorrow the same way. I feel a little terrified these days that I will never get to another The End since the first one, because I so rarely get through the items on this list. Not even the page numbers. I just keep holding on to the fact that I have gotten there before, and eventually, if I do these things at least more than never, I can somehow get there again.